The Duck & the Grapes
One day a duck walked up to the counter inside a convenience store. The duck said to the clerk "Got any grapes."
"No" replied the store clerk. The duck
smiled and walked out of the door. A little while later the duck returned and asked, "Got any grapes?" The clerk
replied "No! I already told you 15 minutes ago, I don't have any grapes!" The duck smiled and once again walked out
of the store. Ten minutes later,the duck returned and asked once again "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yelled, "No!
We didn't have any, we don't have any, and were not going to have any. If you come back in here again I'll nail your
webbed feet to the floor!" The duck smiled and walked out of the store. Later during the day, the duck returned to the store
and asked the clerk "Got any nails?"
The clerk said "NO!" The duck replied, "Good! Got any grapes?"
The Chicken and the 3 Books
Much to the surprise of the librarian, a little chicken walked into the library and said
"BUCK" (book). So the librarian gave the
chicken a book. The next day the same chicken came back to the library and said
"BUCK BUCK". This time the librarian gave her
two books. The next day the same little chicken came back to the library and said
"BUCK BUCK BUCK". So once again the librarian gave her
three books. Out of curiosity, the librarian decided to follow the chicken to find out why a chicken would want three books
The chicken stopped at the edge of a pond and passed the library books to a frog.
The frog was saying "REEDIT, REEDIT, REEDIT".
After much competition,a very talented magician had just obtained a job performing on a
luxury cruise ship. Each night his pet parrot interrupted and spoiled his
performance by saying "It's up his sleeve", "It's in his pocket" "It's in his shoe", etc, etc. One night while performing the act,
the ship's boiler blew up and the ship sank. The fortunate magician was able to grab onto one of the ship's planks, and
along with his parrot, floated on the sea. The first few days that the wood drifted, the parrot just starred at the magician
looking puzzled. On the 4th day the bewildered parrot looked at his master and said "I give up,
what did you do with the ship?"
Mama and the Cockatoo
A young woman was walking past a pet shop and saw an exotic, white cockatoo for sale. The price was $6000. She entered the
store and asked the clerk why the bird was so expensive. The clerk told her that the bird spoke 6 different languages.
"Does it speak English?" asked the woman. "Of course it does!" said the clerk.
The woman thought about her mother who was multi-lingual, a bit of a recluse and lived all alone.
She decided to purchase the bird and send it to her mother as a companion. She paid for the bird
and made arrangements for it to be delivered. The following day,
the woman telephoned her mother. "Mama, did you like the cockatoo that I sent you?" "Oh it
was delicious!" she replied." "Mama, what do you mean delicious?" "I made soup out of it."
"But mama, that bird spoke six different languages!"
"Oh dear! Why didn't it say something?"
The Blue Jay
A Blue Jay applied for the receptionist's job at the new AT&T headquarters. The interviewer, a bit annoyed, told the
Jay that the candidate had to be able to type at least 80 words per minute. The Jay demonstrated
proficiency with a 120 wpm.
Not wanting to hire a BIRD for the job, the interviewer told the Jay that the candidate had to be able to take dictation.
The Jay surpassed all of the other candidates with both speed and accuracy. Finally the interviewer thought he'd be able to get rid of the Jay with
"the candidate must be bilingual!" The Jay replied "Meow!!"
The Impolite Parrot
Two college students purchased a parrot to keep in their apartment. The parrot was highly intelligent, but all it ever
did was swear. The bird's vocabulary was extensive, however, it would swear for five minutes straight without repeating
a single profanity. At first the two young men thought that this was the coolest bird. After days and nights of constant
verbal abuse, the student's couldn't tolerate it anymore. They decided to
isolate the bird so they couldn't hear the words. They put the bird in
the kitchen where they had just finished eating a bucket of fried chicken. For the first few seconds, the
parrot went crazy, squawking and thrashing around the room. The students began to worry that the bird might have hurt
itself, so they opened the kitchen door. The parrot calmly walked onto the one student's arm and politely said, "Awfully
sorry about all of the trouble I have given you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The students
were amazed and bewildered by the transformation that had come over the parrot. After a few minutes the parrot asked,
"By the way, what did that chicken do?"
Source Unknown. These are some of
the many stories emailed to me by friends.